Welcome to our collection of CPA jokes, where we make funny jokes about accountants and the accounting profession. We cover everything from CPA jokes, accounting exam jokes, and more! Feel free to share on Facebook/Tumblr/etc. (link icons at bottom).
Contents
Longer Story Jokes about Accountants
Click here to see funny actuarial jokes.
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
“Oh my God!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”
“Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor.
“Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”
“No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.”
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?” to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”
An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy. The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following.
‘Mr Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of £1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to £1,100.
The student said. ‘ I see. The ethics question is do I tell the client?’
‘Wrong answer!’
The question is do I tell my partner’
Life as an Accountant Jokes
Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director? He burned his office down trying to cook the books.
How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? How much money do you have?
What did the accountant say when he looked at the tax form? The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor. I am lying when I am listing myself as a head of household.
What’s an accountant’s favorite book? 50 Shades of Grey.
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Want to hear an accountant joke?” The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I’m 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I’m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6’2″ tall, 225 pounds, and he’s an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?” The first guy says, “No, I don’t want to have to explain it two times.”
A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant. Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?” The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”
Accounting for Dummies. What’s the big deal? Cr. Cash Dr. Dummies. Simple.
Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road? Auditors never actually do the risk assessment well until after the accident happens.
What is the definition of an insolvency practitioner? Someone who arrives after the battle, bayonets all the wounded, pawns their possessions and charges their time to the relatives.
There are 3 types of accountants. Those who can count and those who can’t.
Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant? No. Me neither.
Why do old accountants never die? They just lose their balance!
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
It’s accrual world.
Did you hear about the constipated CFO? He couldn’t budget with his calculator so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.
Why do accountants get excited at the weekends? Because they can wear casual clothes to work.
What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.
Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
Be audit you can be.
What’s the difference between the male sperm and an accountant? The sperm has a 1 in 250,000 chance of becoming human.
How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
Why accountants don’t read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, what does she say? “Darling, could you tell me about your work.”
What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.
What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone?
What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone.
Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks? Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.
How does an accountant stay out of debt? He learns to act his wage.
Did you hear about the blonde Management Accountant? She went to see her fitness trainer to talk about stretch targets.
What does an accountant say when boarding a train? ‘Mind the GAAP’.
What’s grey and not there? An accountant on vacation.
Accounting Exam Jokes
What does CPA stand for? Can’t Pass Again.
Devious Accountants Jokes
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
How does an accountant trash their hotel room? By refusing to fill in the Guest Comment Card.
What’s grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet tall? An accountant riding an elephant.
What do you call an accountant without a calculator? Lonely.
How was copper wire invented? 2 accountants were arguing over a penny.
Why was the accountant in rehab? Solvency abuse.
Accountants Against the World Jokes
What’s an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humor.
What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.
What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he’s boring.
An economist is someone who didn’t have enough personality to become an accountant.
Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.
Why do economists exist? So accountants have someone to laugh at.
Laws of Accounting Jokes
Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don’t.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.
There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: 1. Don’t tell them everything you know. 2. [Redacted]
What do you call an accountant who… Jokes
What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy.
What do you call a trial balance that doesn’t balance? A late night.
What do you call a group financial controller who’s lost his job? Bob.
What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
Misc Accountant Jokes
An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
Why did the accountant cross the road? Because she looked in the files and did what they did last year.
How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
It’s 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
